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Seriously, how are you doing taking care of YOU? Your mind, body & soul. Your Number ONE Person on the planet. Yes, that’s YOU! Oh, you thought that was your kid, your spouse, your dog, & your best friend?? If you’ve been putting yourself last on the list (or maybe not even making the list) of things to get done and people to take care of, then I want you to STOP EVERYTHING and keep reading. Even if you feel like you’ve been doing a pretty decent job, I have a feeling today’s Monday Meal will be good for you. We can all use a little more goodness in our lives! I read a quote recently from an unknown source that really spoke to me.  I spent SO much of my life waiting on those darn flowers. Expecting others to do for me what I really needed to be finding for myself. Placing my happiness in other people’s hands and hearts and constantly feeling disappointed when they didn’t magically do or give me what I was hoping for.
Sound familiar? I was constantly seeking validation and adoration from outside sources when inside I felt insecure, unworthy, and unlovable. And, when you feel that way on the inside, no amount of flowers, kind words of praise, or affection can make you feel whole. I’d spent so many years wearing masks to hide my true self for fear of not being enough just the way I am. I became a rigid perfectionist in how I presented myself and then grew into a big time codependent in how I attached myself to others. I was completely lost. It took me a long time to finally start to see my worth and to love myself for who I am. The journey began on my yoga mat. It was the place I found where I could simply be present with ME. Where I could ask the question, “Who am I?” and start to really listen to my little inner voice that had been shoved down for so, so long. I learned that I am so much more than just this physical body I inhabit and that my true value and worthiness has nothing to do with the size of my thighs, the color of my eyes, or what I’m wearing. I learned to speak to myself with kindness and compassion and to give myself grace. I learned that truly at the end of the day, I am my Number One Person and I deserve all the goodness life has to offer. Are you ready to turn up your Self-Love dial? Ok then grab a pen, or some colorful markers and a few sticky notes and let’s do this!
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Well hello there, my friend! Thank you to all who recently took the time to share some feedback with me. I’m listening! I have decided to pivot the Sunday Snack and introduce you today to the Monday Meal! The Monday Meal is a wholesome and nutritious way for you to start you week and stay inspired, productive and accountable throughout anything life throws at you!
Each Monday morning you’ll find a new MEAL for the week loaded with helpful life hacks, wisdom, challenges, freebies, and a whole lot more. Plus, I’ll still be sharing a monthly Sunday Snack at the end of each month that will include My Favorite Things like books, shows, and of course TASTY RECIPES for you to enjoy and share! Ok! It’s time for a TRUTH BOMB 💥Today’s MEAL is one of the most important and life changing lessons I have ever learned. Read on to learn how you can apply it to your life, too! You might have heard me say a time or two that I used to be a MASSIVE overthinker. And not only did I overthink, I also believed that every single thought that popped into my head was true. I mean, it’s my brain. Shouldn’t it be feeding me the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I spent a lot of years believing the stories in my head, the suggestions others planted there for me, and the messages that were fed to me by the media and society at large. As a result, I lived a life based in fear, comparison, and feelings of inadequacy. Sound familiar? So what changed? Well, as with so many of the transformations that have happened in my life, today’s truth bomb came to me on my yoga mat. Now I can’t recall the specific moment or message that led to this life changing realization. Perhaps it was more of a process of discovery, a stripping down of old ways that led to being more open and receptive to a new way of being. Whatever it was or where it came from, it was for sure one of those mind blowing moments of my life. I know for sure it was rooted in the yoga teaching that says basically “Yoga is the quieting of the fluctuations of the mind”. It’s referred to as “mind stuff” (Chitta vritti) and by practicing yoga (breathing, movement, meditation) we can learn to quiet the fluctuations and in doing so find wholeness. This concept teaches us that we are SO MUCH MORE than our mind. When we identify with the fluctuations of the mind, life can feel like a roller coaster ride of madness. When we identify so deeply with our mind states, we often end up acting out these thoughts through our behaviors. When we do yoga, and practice meditation, we become the witness to these fluctuations, rather than identify ourselves with them. We learn through observation that thoughts are fleeting and transient. In other words, they’re not really true. “The wiser you get, the less you take your mind seriously”- Maxime Lagace So, how you can apply this life changing knowledge? It all starts with NOTICING. Begin to notice your thoughts more often. Then, take time to slow down and notice your breath. Your breath is the magic key to pulling your awareness out of your busy, busy mind. Once your awareness is rooted in your breath, notice the mind again. And, because your brain LOVES to have something to do, feed it a short and simple MANTRA. I am present I am not my thoughts Inhale, exhale It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just simple to repeat. The objective is to interrupt the thought pattern and find a more peaceful state of being. From that place, you are way more equipped to then make a choice. Which thought to follow, which thought to ignore, how to respond instead of react. When you come to life from a place of peace and connection, this is where you realize that you are SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR MIND. Give it a try this week! Whenever you find yourself overthinking, stressing out, reacting, and riding the roller coaster - STOP and take 5 long, slow breaths. Repeat your mantra, place your hands on your heart, and listen. I mentioned in last week’s Snack that this week would be full of easy ways to simplify your daily life. Are you ready? I know I am!
I was inspired to dive into this topic by one of my busy, busy, single mom & entrepreneur clients who chose the word SIMPLIFY as her focus word for the next few months. She realized that she was making life way too complicated and busy and it was taking a toll on both her personal health, her business, and her relationship with her kiddos (when mamma is stressed…everyone is stressed!) Purity and simplicity are the two wings with which man soars above the earth and all temporary nature” - Thomas a Kempis Here are my Top 10 Ways to SIMPLIFY your daily life:
Ok, now I suggest you pick one category that feels like your most out of balance area and focus just on that for the next few days or week. Once that’s feeling more SIMPLIFIED, then pick another. Take positive steps each week to declutter your life and I guarantee you’ll be feeling much lighter real soon! f you answered “Yes”, don’t worry, you are not alone out there! Those feelings creep up for me now and then, too. And what I’ve come to realize is that sadly a lot of that feeling is simply due to the busy, busy lives we are living. Most people are over obligated, over worked, and just doing the best they can to get from day to day with very little bandwidth left for anything outside of their immediate bubble. They barely take the time to check in and listen to themselves let alone having the energy to do that for others. Sound familiar?
It’s a bit ironic, because I feel like we were almost doing a better job at connecting during the pandemic than we are now as life resumes it’s “normal”, hectic pace. For me personally, I’ve been dealing with the feelings of loss and disconnect from a lovely group of women who all came together to practice yoga with me during Covid, but who are now heading back out and into their “new normals”. What I remind myself when those feelings come up is that everything ebbs and flows in life. I focus on the lovely connections we did make with each other and the knowing that even though we aren’t together as often, the love we have for each other is genuine and we truly are a “tribe” of sisters. So how do you maintain those feelings of connection? How do you ensure that the people you truly do care about aren’t feeling unappreciated or invisible? It takes effort, but not a lot! Here are a few ways you can become a great connector, listener & overall fabulous human being:
Sound good, but feeling a bit overwhelmed by life? Never fear! Next week I’ll be hitting you with my tips for SIMPLIFYING your day to day life. Hint…it starts with the word “No”… Have a lovely week, my friend! Ok! Start connecting! Yes, it’s Monday…but I decided to give myself a little grace yesterday and not stress out about getting this out to you on time. Hey, a little positive snack is good any day of the week, right? So here’s your Monday Snack and a great reminder to start the week off on the right foot by being kind to yourself!  It’s August 8th…you have 147 days of 2022 left…
Not to stress you out or anything, but did you realize that 2022 is more than half gone already? I was thinking about this as I took a good look at my Vision Board I created for this year back in January. I was looking at all the words and images I filled my board with and taking stock of how I’m doing in the manifesting department so far this year. What I noticed when I looked at all those lofty dreams and ambitions I set for myself was that I’m doing a pretty dang good job! Is it all done? Nope. Have I changed course on a couple of things? Yep. And that’s OK! Because I still have 147 days to keep moving forward in the direction of my dreams. What I’m celebrating today is that my TOP TWO items - Travel Well” & “Retreat” - are off the charts in the manifesting department. So far this year I’ve taken some of the most amazing trips of my life AND this Friday I leave on yet another one (Costa Rica here we come!). Plus, not only did I lead a truly life changing Women’s Retreat this past January, I’m heading back to the same location with not one but TWO groups of women this October/November for back-to-back Retreats at the Bay of Dreams. Oh, and did I mention that I’ve got a Retreat to BALI booked for next July??? I’m sharing all this with you today because I want to remind you that YOU CAN DO AMAZING THINGS, TOO!! It all starts with a VISION, an INTENTION, and a PLAN! Are you feeling like the first 219 days of 2022 have been a bit lackluster? Is there still so much you’d like to reach for, but you just don’t know how to get started? Have you convinced yourself that those dreams just aren’t for “someone like you”? Well, my friend, I’m here to bonk you on the head with a little Life Reinvention Coach kind of reminder… If you can dream it, you can do it! (thank you Walt Disney for that one!) Oh, and I’m here to help if you need a bit of encouragement, guidance, and motivation. It’s what I do! See you next Sunday for your regularly scheduled Sunday Snack! Why aren’t we running like we’re on fire toward our wildest dream?
Take a moment and sit with that one, my friend. What is holding YOU back? I saw that quote pop up on Instagram the other day and it really stuck with me. You see, even though I’ve been on fire the past few years really and truly pursuing my dream life, I still find myself at times letting that flame die down into just a nice, cozy sit-by-the-fireplace-sipping-tea-doing-nothing kinda flame… Which is why so many of us end up getting stuck. It’s comfortable. At first it’s a warm and cozy kind of comfort. Then, when we start to feel like there’s something else we are really longing for, it becomes a bit more quicksand-like. Slowly sucking the life and desire out of us bit by bit. The getting out of the cozy, desire dampening place is a lot of WORK, though. And it’s legit SCARY. My overthinking mind can easily come up with at least 10 different scenarios for how things could go wrong. So instead maybe I’ll just stay right here and numb my mind with social media, Netflix, or cleaning out my sock drawer if I’m feeling like I need to be “productive”. You see, your brain and your nervous system are hard wired to keep you safe. Your instinct is always going to be to protect what is, even when what is no longer serves you. This is why we stay in the long overdue for a breakup relationship, job, friendship, bad habit, or place. At least we know what to expect there and we’ve gotten so comfortable with it that it seems “Ok”. We adapt, we adjust, and we learn to tolerate the intolerable. I’ve done this exact thing time and time again in my life. The expired marriages, the soul-sucking jobs…I’ve had my fair share. So how do I get unstuck? You ask… As with any scary thing you try for the first time, that first leap is always then most terrifying. But once you leap, you feel the RUSH of joy and freedom that were waiting just on the other side of fear. You realize that you are way the heck more capable and strong than you gave yourself credit for. And after doing it a few more times you start to love that feeling of fear mixed with excitement. That’s exactly how I feel now every time I roll back into the water with a scuba tank strapped to my back. It’s that euphoric rush combined with the knowing that what I’m about to do is going to be truly magical that keeps me craving more. I’ve literally re-wired my brain and my old fear story that I used to have about the ocean and all of the scary things that live there. And the more I flex that muscle the easier it gets to use it for whatever new fear story pops up in my life. I have finally learned to TRUST MYSELF and the Universe and to be ok with that temporary feeling of uncertainty. It’s in that space of not knowing that the most magical transformation can occur if you can only be ok with being pretty uncomfortable for a limited period of time. Not sure if are ready, but the idea sounds pretty intriguing? All it takes is one thought that leads to one small step. As a Life Reinvention Coach it’s my job to help you figure out those thoughts and steps along the journey to your DREAM LIFE. I’m here to help you find your inner GPS and then to hold you accountable along the path. When the roadblocks appear, I’m here to help you navigate around them. And when you have your first, and second, and 10th success - I’m here to CELEBRATE with you! Yes, it is seriously rewarding work I get to do and it’s that reminder of how much I love it that keeps me from getting too cozy along my journey. and I feel like I need to get it off my chest today. People in general really suck at listening. There. I said it.
Anyone feeling me on this? Now I’m always willing to be the first to raise my hand up high and say, “Guilty as charged.” Just like everyone else, I get distracted. Distractions are all around us and up in our heads. Cell phones are BIG ONE. And smart watches. How often do you glance at yours the moment it buzzes? So today I thought I’d go over some of the basics of the Art of Active Listening. A skill we could ALL use a little brushing up on! Let’s tune up those listening ears! There's a quote I heard several years ago that has stuck with me and that I always remember when I am listening to someone who is sharing their truth with me. "Listen and attend with the ear of your heart" - Benedict of Nursia This is my reminder to drop out of my busy mind that is wired to want to reply, interrupt, or even fix what the other person is sharing and instead to simply LISTEN. I can’t do this if I am A) glancing at a text that just came in on my wrist, B) scrolling on Instagram, or C) allowing my mind to wander to whatever else it might be wanting to chew on. So I say "Simply Listen" ...but it's not that easy to do. Here are 10 tips to help you practice being a really awesome listener! 1) Face the person speaking and make eye contact 2) Watch for non-verbal cues (facial expression, body position) 3) Don't interrupt! 4) Listen without judging, or jumping to conclusions 5) Don't start planning what to say next 6) Show that you are listening (this means ignore that buzzing on your phone) 7) Don't impose your opinions or solutions 8) Stay focused (use your breath to remind you to stay present) 9) Ask questions 10) Paraphrase & summarize Like any new skill, it's like training a muscle. The more you practice, the better you get! So challenge yourself this week to put that ear of your heart to the test and see how it changes your experience in how you engage with others. Want to experience what it feels like to be truly heard? As a Life Coach, I am trained to be an AMAZING LISTENER! A huge part of my job is to listen to my clients, to ask them though provoking, dig deep questions and to LISTEN. Then, I reflect back to them what they have said so they truly, truly feel heard. Not only is this incredibly validating and healing, it is also a way to hear the stuff that's going on in your head and then be able to determine if it is indeed true and worthy or if it's just noise. It is in this space of openness, honesty and truth that we can begin to do the deeper work my clients are seeking - a life of greater purpose & passion, a life of authenticity, and a life full of joy! Sound amazing? Well it is! Let's get on a call so you can experience what truly being heard feels like! But what if (fill in the blank with the last thing you worried about) and then keep reading…3/13/2022 How much of our precious time on this earth do we waste away worrying? Sadly, a WHOLE LOT if you are like most people (including me!) It’s party just how we are wired. That negatively biased brain of ours is there to protect us, so it’s quick to come up with all the ways things could go wrong. And the more you worry the stronger that “worry muscle” becomes. I’d hate to even count all of the things I didn’t do, words I didn't say, and add up all the energy and time I have frittered away in my 53 years all because I worried about them so much that I ended up not doing or saying what I really wanted to. Ugh. So today I have a reminder for you! (courtesy of @postivelypresent - a page on Instagram that I just love!)  Ok, you say, so what can I do about it? It’s “just how I am”. Well, my reply to that is “Yes, and…you can also learn to rewire and retrain your brain so you spend WAY LESS time worrying and WAY MORE time living and enjoying the present moment!!” It’s all about learning to PAUSE and NOTICE. In that pause, you get to make a choice. Here’s a great list of questions you can ask yourself when you pause that can create a major mind shift! (again from @positivelypresent)  This one is such a keeper I highly recommend printing it out and keeping it in your “tool kit” of helpful reminders. Try it out this week the next time you find yourself flexing that worry muscle!
I’d love to hear how it works for you! And please feel free to share it with any of your worry-wart friends and family. I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me, and to find grace for myself on the days when I fell stuck and uninspired.
This one, my friend, is a feeling and a practice I deal with all of the time. Seeing where I want to be and freezing in my tracks when I allow myself to get overwhelmed by what my mind perceives as the many roadblocks in the way of my success. It’s what keeps most people stuck in their same old life…FOREVER. It is definitely way easier and more comfortable to stick with the familiar that to branch out on an unfamiliar path. The unknown is scary. Or at least our mind likes to tell us it is. So we stay in the uninspiring, soul sucking job or we let the months and years just drift by in a relationship that no longer meets our needs simply because it’s what we know. We might daydream about that better life, but the path to get there looks very long and complicated. We put that dream in a box on the shelf and get on with life as is. So, how do I get unstuck? I practice PAUSING and I celebrate the small things. I look for the little steps I've taken and that I can take that will get me at least an inch closer rather than the miles I might perceive are still ahead of me. I look for at least one thing to be grateful for in that moment which always leads to many, many more. Some days, when I'm feeling delicate, I give myself a whole lot of self-love and permission to just be and breathe. I get outside and move my body while I listen to an inspiring podcast. I reach out to a friend or my coach for a pep-talk. I remind myself of all the reasons why what I am seeking is important to me, my happiness, and my contribution to the world. Then the next day I tell myself to put on my damn big girl panties and get some shit done!! I make a short list that feels do-able and I dive in. I congratulate myself for what I get done because I am now one step closer to where I want to be. And I remind myself constantly that it's the journey that matters. It's the moments I savor along the way that I will remember. It’s how I feel and how I make others feel in my presence that will make an impact on the world. I’ve figured out a lot of life stuff in my 53+ years on this planet and one of the BIGGIES is today’s message - the 80/20 Rule.
You see, I spent a whole lot of my younger years buying into the old-school Disney fairytale kind of love and I was determined that within me was enough love, rainbows and sunshine to change even the scariest of Beasts into my Prince Charming. Two marriages and a whole lot of lessons learned and I am finally in the most amazing relationship of my life thanks in part to The Rule. Here’s how it works. Whether you are currently seeking a new relationship, just getting out of an old one, or maybe you’re still in one but things aren’t looking so good… First, you make a few lists. List 1 is the things you really, really want in a partner - personality, character, life style, and how they make you feel. Get it all on there and don’t hold back. Then, from that list you determine what your non-negotiables are and you make a shorter list of those. On this list, I want you to also come up with a list of questions you could ask to find out really quickly if there are any big RED FLAGS. You want to get these covered right away when meeting someone new. And if you’re already in a relationship ask yourself the questions about your partner and be honest with what comes up. Now, go back to that big list again and decide if there are some things that would be nice but certainly aren’t deal breakers. Make a new list of those things. For example, on my Short Non-Negotiable list was a) no young kids, preferably grown up kids if any; b) loves to travel and stay active; and c) makes me laugh a lot! There were several more, but you get the idea. On my “nice, but not necessary” list was must be at least 5’11 and loves to cook… During my 8-months of dating before I met Andy, I went on A LOT of dates! And boy did I get efficient at screening all those guys. Didn’t mention that you had a 7 & 8 year-old kid and 1/2 time custody…thank you no. Idea of a great weekend is binging Netflix and ordering pizza…thank you no. Make my eyes roll with your lame or lack of sense of humor…thank you no. Get the drift? You see I was finally in a REALLY GOOD PLACE personally. I was very happy just being me and being by myself. So for me to bring someone new into my life, it needed to be a really good fit. What that person didn’t need to be was a perfect fit. No Andy isn’t quite 5’11…no he doesn’t cook much…but he’s a really, really good fit in at least 80% (hey I’ll give him 90%!) of my things I need and want. We laugh all the time, we travel a ton, a weekend isn’t complete without at least one hike, and we hold true and fast to our “no drama” rule. If there’s an issue, we talk it out and move on. And we always feel stronger for having done so. He’s learned to speak my love languages fluently simply because he loves me and knows it’s important to me. I could go on and on… What I know from past relationships is that when I let a non-negotiable fall into the 20% category, that was the thing along with all the other little things I thought I could deal with that led to a whole lot of discontent, disappointment, and eventually the demise of the relationship. Bottom line here is get to know YOURSELF first. Learn to LOVE YOURSELF completely. Be a complete and happy person with YOUR LIFE. Then whether you are deciding if you stay in a relationship or looking to find a new one, you will be in a WAY better place to see those 80/20’s and determine if that other person is a life upgrade or downgrade. You, my friend, deserve to be happy and to feel like the people in your life enhance it rather than drain it. |
AuthorMeet Mary Baker ..LIFE COACH, YOGA TEACHER, MINDFULNESS GUIDE, RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST & PEOPLE PLEASER, FEAR CONQUEROR, TRUTH SEEKER, & DREAM WEAVER Archives
February 2023
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