or how to get out of the muck of life
When I get stuck it feels like I’m knee-deep in that quicksand they kept running into all the time on Gilligan's Island. Do you remember that stuff? It was EVERYWHERE! And no matter how many times they got stuck in it, they never quite seemed to figure out how to avoid it. For me when I'm feeling stuck, it grabs ahold of my feet and next thing you know I’m up to my knees and can’t seem to budge. The more I resist the more it seems to grab hold, but if I give in and surrender to it I’m afraid it will suck me in completely and I'll never get out. What this turns into is an endless cycle of frustration, overthinking, and paralysis.
This is the curse of perfectionism as well as the fear of "not being ready". Some people get really busy when they are feeling this way. The old "seem like you are doing a lot so you don't look bad for doing nothing" routine. Find any distraction to stay "busy" so you can avoid what you're not wanting to deal with.
On the other hand, some of us go to the other extreme and end up in a total state of inactivity. This might also include "numbing" techniques like a Netflix binge, binge eating, or other less than healthy behaviors. Thus, the quicksand. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.
The trick is to find the balancing point between the struggle, or the effort, and the surrender, or the ease. It's the same in yoga, we’re always looking for that perfect place of balance between the place of effort and the place of ahh in our yoga poses. In Sanskrit it's called sthira and sukha. One of my favorite teachers, Tara Brach, uses this equation:
(anything) X resistance = suffering
So the more we struggle and resist the feeling of being "stuck", the more stuck we become and the more we suffer.
A big part of finding that balance is in learning to become the observer (higher consciousness) instead of the person who is stuck in the proverbial quicksand (the EGO mind). It's the difference between saying "I am sad", "I am depressed", or "I am stuck" versus noticing "I feel sad", "I feel depressed" or "I feel stuck". The former is you identifying as being fully in that state rather than just temporarily having a feeling that you understand will pass.
The steps (once you've got them down) are really pretty simple.
Step One - Notice it.
Oh, hey, well look at this. I'm feeling stuck. (or sad, or angry, or whatever)
Step Two - Acknowledge it.
Hi there, Stuckness. I remember you. Yes, I know you are here to protect me from possibly feeling something negative. Thank you for showing up. I've got this.
Step Three - Then decide what the next best step is to get the heck out!
Just one step. Then another. And another.
It might be that once you open your eyes and look around, you notice there’s a tree branch right there waiting for you to grab onto it to pull yourself out. You might remember that you just happen to have your handy-dandy rope with you (who doesn’t carry a rope along when they’re wandering through the jungle) that you can lasso around a tree and pull yourself out. Or you might decide it’s time to call for help. Sometimes the answers are right there at our fingertips. Sometimes they’re right there inside of us. And other times, we aren’t able to find the answer, so the answer is to reach out for someone else’s help.
That's where having a Life Coach can REALLY come in handy!! It's my job to help you through this process. You've got the answers right there inside of you. All of them. To every big, scary thing life throws at you. But when the quicksand of life grabs ahold, it's easy to forget. Getting stuck is NORMAL. Everyone experiences it. I am here to listen, to hold space for you to fully and openly express how you are feeling and discover what is holding you back. And, most excitingly, to help you create your pathway up and out of that sticky muck and on upward to some amazing, life-changing goodness!!
Meet Mary Baker ..LIFE COACH, YOGA TEACHER, MINDFULNESS GUIDE, RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST & PEOPLE PLEASER, FEAR CONQUEROR, TRUTH SEEKER, & DREAM WEAVER